Who should you believe?

One of the down sides of AD/HD is lower self-esteem. My guess is that this comes from never really fitting in. But the reason why is a whole different tangent than what the purpose of this entry is supposed to convey.

When I was in high school and then in college, I thought that I was a good writer. I always felt confident in writing. Then I started a job. My writing was critiqued. It wasn't good enough; I forgot my "small words" and sometimes the endings (i.e. "ed", "s", "ing"). I was told I was not good. At that time, my desire to be someone else's best was very strong. So I believed them. I believed that I was not a good writer. I choose to buy into the opinion of a few people that really didn't like me in the first place. Time past, a lot of time, about eight years to be exact…

Then someone told me that he always thought I was good at writing. I was astonished and humbled. I was grateful for not only the complement but also for the reminder that I spend a lot of time writing as a teenager and a young adult. I started having more confidence in my writing. And then I would get angry. Sometimes about nothing in particular. That's where I was last week. I was being angry. I can't tell you what about, but I can tell you that emotion got in my own way…

So back to writing, my "About Me" section spurred my mom (side note ~ I love you and am very thankful that you are my mom) to dig through my school records to see if there were signs of my AD/HD. And there were no reports from the teachers that there were ever any problems (I will discuss why nothing was showing up in school later, it's a good reason why it wasn't noticeable). The one item that my mom said she found that still sticks out in my mind was my admittance test to community college. I was 16 when I took the test and 16 when I started college. So here is the result…

I tested into Honors English. Really!!! I have no idea why I didn't take Honors English or why I didn't explore this creative path. I don't even know why I didn't remember this little tidbit and hold on to it when I entered the business world. But I know this –

I chose to not believe in me. I chose to believe in those that did not have my best interests at heart. These were bad choices, we all make them.

Now I choose to believe that I can do whatever I set my mind to, it's what I'm teaching my kids, I need to believe it to. I choose to write. Now I know that my desire is to be my best. You'll like it, you won't. I've now grown up enough to know that I'm comfortable with my own writing, my own words.

My wish is that I could prevent someone else having to go through almost an entire decade to learn this lesson.

Why is it so much easier for people to believe the bad than the good??

Emotionally Impulsive

For me, there is a large difference between ADD & ADHD. People with ADD are a lot quieter than us ADHDers. Both groups, of course, run into the challenge of focus. But with ADHD, I tend to show all of my emotions at once. When I am angry, I can't always compartmentalize in order to do the socially acceptable thing which is address it later. I tend to be impulsive. I want to solve the problem NOW. Then I can move on. Of course the other person or people in the equation don't always move on as quickly as I do.

I've noticed that while my impulsiveness is curbed by meds, it tends to flare up in stressful situations that have no direction. Let me explain, being impulsive, can be very helpful in a crisis situation. I can process information rapidly, draw quick conclusions, and make decisive and usually correct decisions. I can do this with little immediate emotional involvement. However, when I have to rely on someone else to give the okay, it causes stress and stress tends to break down my calm façade and all of my emotions come rolling out in one big bundle. Then I freeze. I can't decide what do to first. So, I don't do anything. Or worse, I do the wrong thing.

I know that I am not alone in this. I've observed other people with Attention issues and or hyperactive issues go through this same process. I believe that people with ADHD need one of two things to avoid be emotionally impulsive. One, they need to be in charge of the situation. Yep, many CEOs have ADHD, again Richard Branson, also the CEO of Jet Blue, and I am sure there are many more. Or two, they need a well-structured setting with clear deadlines and priorities. Oh, and within this well-structured in environment, there needs to be some type of intellectual challenge and the ability to be creative.

People with ADD & ADHD are not meant to preform anything that they find boring (for me it is clerical work and data entry). First, its an underuse of ability. Second, boredom causes stress. Third, it can be the simplest thing in the world, but it won't be done well because when you are bored you just don't care as much.

This type of reasoning should be applied in the school system as well. Consider this, when taking aptitude test (yes, I have saved all of mine from high school and job personality tests). I've tested average or just above on basic numerical ability/calculation (the boring stuff). However, on numerical reasoning, which uses numerical calculation to determine the patterns, I score VERY high. Same with probability and statistics.

And even though I don't have the research to back up the following statement, I bet that you find the same trend in people with ADD/HD. It might be in numerical, verbal, or mechanical reasoning. The reasoning skills would be higher than the basic skills. So if I student with ADD/HD is behind in math, look at their reasoning ability. I bet is off the charts. If they are reasoning what number next in the sequence, they are using simple math to determine the pattern, it just provides more of a challenge. I would love to see an educator try out this theory in the school system. It's just a different way to meet the same end.

Another thought on this, provide by my super smart husband, that if you are finding the missing number, you have a purpose in completing the problem. However, if you don't have a reason for solving the problem its boring and becomes harder to complete.

Research & Celebs

I am currently in the process of doing some research to share with everyone. Its slightly difficult because with the advances in medicine, the information has changed greatly. As late as 10-15 years ago, it was thought that ADD mostly affected males and that it was usually outgrown by adulthood. HA! Do you know that some people still think that ADD/ADHD is not a real condition?? This amazes me as it is medically proven. There are even brain scans that can show the differences.

Anyway, here is something to ponder while I am working on my research:

Richard Branson

Ty Pennington

Albert Einstein

Michael Phelps

Danny Glover

Charles Schawb

Tommy Hilfiger

Erin Brockovich

Cher

Orlando Bloom

And this list goes on and on. These people have (or had, in Einstein case) ADD or ADHD. The list is huge!! I found a lot of the names on the great schools website. http://www.greatschools.org/special-education/health/696-famous-people-dyslexia-ld-or-ad-hd.gs

The subtitle of this article says "Read about famous folks who overcame the challenges of LD and AD/HD." Which I have to disagree with, I don't think that these people "overcame" ADD however they learned to work with the way their minds think and socially adapt when necessary. Just a thought.

I'm also going to hit up the local library and begin some additional research on ADHD. If anyone has any book suggestions both about the subject and then books written for people that have it, please let me know and I will add them to my list.

Thanks for reading!

About Me

Why do I feel like I can write about ADHD?

Well, I'm very passionate about the topic. Obviously. I'm raising a family and (most likely) all four of us have ADD/ADHD. I currently have one part time job that ends in June, so I have a little bit of time that I can apply to research. And I see that there needs to be a change in the way society depicts this evolution in thinking.

My background

I have an MBA in Strategic Management and my undergraduate is in Public Relations. Up until recently, I worked at a Bank doing analytical work. I've been researching articles on ADHD/ADD in the workplace. There are so few of them it's disheartening.

I wasn't formally diagnosed with ADHD until I was 27 years old. I started out by meeting with a counselor. Through the course of our sessions, she began to discuss symptoms of ADD and ADHD. First, my husband (Mike) was diagnosed with ADD (he is much more mellow than me). Once he knew and began treating it (with both counseling and medicine) I saw a huge change. Then I thought about me, my temper, lack of memory, inability to focus, the unfinished projects, the credit card bills from impulsive spending… I went to my counselor and said, "I think I might have ADHD, I would like to be tested." She said that she thought that was a terrific idea. When the results came back, I had moderate to high ADHD. The next step was going to my doctor to confirm the diagnosis. I won't forget that visit. My doc wasn't even shocked. Prior to diagnosis, I had been treated for other issues like depression. But depression was just a side effect of undiagnosed ADHD.

If you have ADD or ADHD, you've always had it. I had a ton of warning signs as a child, but the condition was not well understood. It was thought to effect mainly males and that you out grew it as an adult. However, it never goes away, we just learn different coping mechanisms as we age. So, as a kid, I had a difficult time maintaining friendships. I was teased, a lot. I didn't feel like I ever really fit in. And I am thankful for that small group of friends that saw past this. I did "good" in school, I wasn't challenged to the point I needed to study but still achieved B+ or higher. In college, I couldn't read the text books. I would read the same paragraph 20 times and still not be able to tell you what was the topic was about. I wanted to be tested. I thought there was something different. But at this time, I wasn't supported. And I still passed my classes so, it was thought that I was having too much fun in school.

I lost my first job out of college because I couldn't cope with my ADHD symptoms. Again, I sought out testing, but I didn't follow through. I was only 20 at the time. I did get my MBA prior to diagnosis. And, as it was pointed out to me, I probably won't have succeeded without ADHD. I did my capstone project, while working full time and managing a new born baby.

My AHAs!!

I watched this documentary called "ADD & Loving it". And it made me realize that ADD/HD does not have to be a bad thing or something to hide. I learned that there are certain careers that I am fitted for and ones that I am not. I also saw that for all of the negative connotations that are associated with ADD/HD there are twice as many positive ones. This meant I could be happy with me, ADHD and all. I didn't have to correct me to conform; instead I have to set up a lifestyle that works for me and my family.

With my daughter starting school and listening to other kids with ADD/HD and seeing that while the school she is in is most likely better than traditional public school, it still see areas where improvement is needed. It takes A LOT of time to ensure the best education for your kids. Not all parents can give the time because they have work so hard to make ends meet. I really believe that it does take a village to raise one child. I would love to think that I have other adults that love my children and want them to succeed so they will be able to "fill-in" for me. Be another person that my kids can confide in. As a society, we are erring by not developing these support systems.

What to except

I will go off on tangents separate from the subject that I started on. I will miss words in my sentences (hopefully not ones that are too important). However, if someone wants to volunteer to edit my works, I will listen.

These are my opinions, my experiences and research that pertains to what I think is relevant. Challenge me, just provide up-to-date sources, and I will share and write about it.

I don't have all the answers. In fact, I don't have most of them. Education, however, is needed. I will provide what I think good tools are for Non-ADD/ADHD people working with us ADDers and how I cope with different experiences. I welcome comments and stories, please share!!

What not to except (disclaimer)

I am not a medical doctor or a psychologist. I do not have the tools to diagnose, and even if I did, I wouldn't do it over a blog. I STRONGLY discourage self-diagnosis. If you think that you have ADD or ADHD seek a professional. I have a counselor that I work with and a doctor that I confide in, I have a support system of fantastic family members and friends that have seen past my quirks. I cannot provide these items for you. Please seek them out.

Why now?

I've asked myself this question a lot. I've considered starting blogs or writing novels or a million other things. Now I am in a position where I have nothing left to lose. I was afraid to air my ADHD challenges and victories on a blog because I didn't want to be judged by peers or lose my job. Well, I've already lost my job. And as far as people judging me, I'd be judged without a blog just as much with one. My family might not always be happy with me or what I write but they will still love me.

I've also grown into myself. This is an excerpt from my journal that I wrote on 3-4-11, it puts it into perspective

Yesterday, I had a conversation that has brought my current situation into perspective, it was about transitions. It was a conversation about life in general and the other participant was discussing their own life story. He said that something happens in your 30s, you develop your persona and become who you are. This was in the context of why a lot of companies will hire younger MBAs fresh out of college. They are easier to mold to the company's direction, whereas people with more life experience might view a different way of accomplishing the same task, they are harder to mold to a company and challenge authority more. It was then that I realized that from the time I started my most recent professional career at 23 until its ending at 32 years old, I gained a world of perspective. And somewhere through the course of the last nine years my personal and work values separated from the company's values. I became me and since I like who I am, that's a very good thing.

I don't want my children to be grouped incorrectly in school. They are both so intelligent. I would be devastated if a school put them in remedial class because they don't learn the same way.

I don't want to see anyone not succeed in a place of business because other people don't get it.

To sum it up:

1. I'm ready to lay it on the line
   
2. There is a definite, visible need for education of this in the school and workplace.

Leaving the ADHD closet

Okay. Its time for me to stop hiding behind these closet doors! I am who I am and I am proud it. I have ADHD. I know, it sounds like a disease, doesn't it? Or maybe it's a learning disability? Could it be a mental disorder? Hmmmm...

What's does it all mean? For me, it means that I don't think like the majority of the population. My mind is never quiet. I think fast and jump subjects. I interrupt people. I lose focus or I hyper-focus. I am impulsive. And at this point, you're probably wondering why I didn't keep this in the closet. There are a lot of good things too. I'll get there.

Having ADHD is a part of me. I didn't realize this until a few days ago. While I knew it was improbable, a little voice in my head thought that taking my medicine makes it go away. It doesn't. It just takes off the edge. Its not something that I can separate from who I am, instead it is a building block of me. There is no cure, there is no medicine that will completely eliminate the symptoms.

So why write about it? There are a lot of good things about having ADHD (don't worry, I will get to these good things in a different post). Our society is seriously lacking information about ADD & ADHD. Did you know its genetic and its doesn't go away? You might have never been diagnosed as a child, but you've always had it? (Side note: Do not self diagnose, see your doctor or a trained professional if you think you have ADD/ADHD) There is so much to learn about this... really!

Our education system needs to learn how to teach ADD/ADHD. It does NOT mean that a person is dumb. We process information differently. Lets find away to teach people with ADD/ADHD. I'm sick and tired of seeing educators assume that ADHD equals stupid or hard to teach. We're not. We just require different teaching styles.

In the workplace, if you utilize the natural skills and talent that a person with ADHD brings to the table, we are unstoppable.

For parents. I have two daughters. One's too young to diagnose. The other, she most likely has it too. She's impulsive in school, shows no remorse and doesn't stay on task during unstructured times. My husband. He has ADD, he lacks the hyper but has the rest.

For my ADD/ADHD audience. You're not alone. I get it. I've been there. I understand. Its really hard fit in. But you have a place here.

It hasn't been easy. But I've come to the conclusion that people need to be better educated on this subject. I want to give people without ADHD the tools to understand it and work with it, in home, school or work place. I believe that more and more people will be diagnosed as time goes on.

Next post... I'll tell you more about me and why I think I can do this. Thanks for reading!!